I don't ever want my kids to feel bad because they're Filipino
Asian American Courage
With anti-Asian racism and violence threatening our communities, how do we draw courage from our parents’ struggles and experiences, so we can find our own strength and find the language to share this with our children?
Vivian Suchman
“After my kids were born, my entire approach to being Filipino in an interracial marriage changed. My children are the most important thing here, and I have to protect them. I have to equip them to deal with the world. My husband is white and was raised in a non-religious Jewish family. His family is wonderful, but they tend to not see themselves as racial beings. I don’t subscribe to the idea of color blindness. We can’t simply paper over our differences.
“After I had my daughter, I became more confident and more vocal in my demands. My white family had to understand how to care for and protect a child of color. I asked my in-laws to take a bystander intervention class to learn how to spot racism when it’s happening. I explained, ‘How you react to this treatment is going to show my kids what is acceptable.’ They were very supportive and open to my guidance.
“I'm constantly doing the work of remaking the world around our kids. Our home has to reflect a positive self-image back to them, filled with diverse books — Asian, Black, Latino people — and I try to avoid owning white dolls. I don't ever want them to feel bad or awkward about who they are. I don't ever want them to feel bad because they're Filipino.
“Early in our marriage, I sought the language to communicate the ideas of racial justice and microaggressions, so my husband, in turn, could talk to his family too. Back then, there just wasn't a lot of writing directed towards Asian Americans on these topics or an easily shareable Instagram graphic to help me explain things. I read a lot of academic papers and relied on the writings of Black and Latino authors. These opened my eyes. I would tell my husband ‘These are some things that have happened to me in my childhood.’ I finally understood why I felt like an outsider growing up. The world turned to color for me. Suddenly, everything looked different. And now it is my responsibility to bring my perspective to those who can’t see what I see.”
